Oddly enough today was a pretty okay day. Isn't it terrible that having a good day is odd for me? Really, though. I'm always expecting bad days.

Anyway, therapy went well. We discussed my childhood, and some of John's. It was a nice break from talking about how my disease is making me feel. That topic can get pretty depressing.

This morning was slow. Every day I find myself more and more exhausted and always wanting to not wake up. Like I'm too comfortable to stop sleeping. It seems like I don't get enough sleep at night; my TPN causes me to have to pee every few hours (it used to be much more frequent), so I'm always getting up to go and having to fall back to sleep. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes I end up staring at the ceiling for a while.
I just really really enjoy sleeping now. A lot more than I used to. I constantly feel like I could easily fall asleep right there, no matter where I am. I never want to go anywhere anymore.

I think most of that is because of my energy level, but it's also because I can escape my pain when I sleep. Like I can just slip off to dreamland and forget about everything going on. That sounds kind of morbid, I know. But hey, it's not like there's anything else I can do. The pain is always there. Another option would be to off myself, and we all know that ain't about to happen. Sometimes I wish it was that easy, though, to be honest.

It's 7:43pm right now. I think I may try to go to sleep early tonight. I was going to work on more bracelets, but I don't really feel like it right now. Tomorrow we figure out what to do about my TPN, and I see my GI doctor a few hours later. Not looking forward to it.