This isn't easy.

There is a month left in my campaign and I have only raised $1,285. I'm losing hope and I honestly don't think I can get even half-way to my goal, let alone exceed it. John has pointed out to me that I would need multiple months' worth of treatment, and I can't afford that. And if this did work out, by some kind of miracle, we would end up moving to London because travelling there every month wouldn't be possible for me. Besides, no one is really sharing anymore, anyway. All of the people who are, it's the same people, and their friends/families are just ignoring it. So I have decided that this will be my only campaign. I won't be continuing after it's over, and all of the money will be put into my bank account for safe keeping. I don't consider this giving up, because there have been days where I actually did want to give up completely. I'm going to keep going, I just can't keep doing these fundraisers and selling all of my stuff just to be ignored and overlooked. I need to focus on living the rest of my life, not chasing after a treatment that is way out of my reach.

Now that that's out of the way... I have met with the writer from The Gazette, and hopefully I'll be featured in the paper. I don't have a lot of details, but maybe I will this week.

Christmas is coming! I love Christmas. But I have a feeling this one is going to bomb because I'm getting pretty worse. We had an early Thanksgiving, and even though the food turned out incredible, it took me two or three days to prepare and I was exhausted and nauseous the entire time. I guess I'm still getting used to these patches. I also really miss my family around the holidays, of course, so it'll be a hard hitter. And we don't have the means to decorate, so the house is always a buzzkill.

Well, I'm making John take me out of this house, so off we go. Tonight is my Doctor Who night, and I'm super excited about it. But it's not until 7:30 so I have a few hours to wait. Anyway, I'll update more later.

I can't stand waiting for things to happen.

I have 41 days left on my campaign, and I feel like each day is going slower and slower. I have resorted to adding a bunch of people from high school who I either didn't talk to much or who didn't even give me the time of day, because it seems like my actual friends aren't getting results.
The problem is that people are sharing my link, and other people see it and they either scroll past it or visit my page but don't share it also. That is where we come to a halt. So, I don't know where to go from here. Another issue is that John is very pessimistic ("realistic" he says) and doesn't think I'll raise the money. Hell, I didn't even think I'd be able to raise $500 let alone $1200! I truly believe I could do it, but I need his help.

A few things I have done as far as advertising goes have been calling and emailing TV shows, news channels, grocery stores, and we're even working on getting in contact with mayors and senators. The only thing that has come of that as of now is a possibility of being featured in The Gazette, which is Colorado Springs' local newspaper. I think that's freakin' awesome, but I haven't heard from the person writing about me in a couple of days, so I'm a little worried.

It's really hard to have hope when I try to pray and it's not really working for me. I'm not expecting God to rain money down upon me instantly, I know he will answer my prayers eventually. It's just so frustrating to be going through what I'm going through every single day with no help except from prescription drugs. I still don't think I've accepted it...

There is no cure.
There is no cure.
There is no cure.

I will die too soon.

And it's not fair.

Iron infusions suck.

Sometimes I wonder why I get into the things I do. Allow me to explain.

I have thrown myself into the world of buying, selling, and trading things online, for kicks as well as because I need to get rid of a lot of crap. However I had no idea how much work it entailed, and I have officially buried myself. I have ordered shipping supplies off ebay, amazon, and papermart. I ordered ink for my printer so I can print shipping labels (I also needed ink anyway, so even better excuse). I have junk laying out all over the place, surrounding my desk chair; it's getting ridiculous and it's only been like a week.

I guess it's the best way to keep myself busy... That and writing letters/sending cards when I can. I'm just trying to take my mind off of the campaign for a little bit. It seems like the same people are sharing my link every day, which is awesome, but there's not enough shares. People just see it and scroll past it, I just know it. Or maybe that's just me being my Negative Nancy self again.

I had my iron infusion yesterday. I definitely do not remember having any side effects with my first one, but yesterday's made me want to kill myself. After the infusion, I was nauseous all day and night, vomited at like 3am, and lost a lot of sleep. Then earlier today my hip joints decided to play 'let's fuck with Melissa' and I felt like I had been hit by a bus! I fixed that, though, by taking a hot bath with my eucalyptus oil and some pain killers. I feel much better, thank goodness. I swear, that hip pain is right up there with abdominal pain on my list of the worst feelings ever.

Tomorrow is going to be fun. We're going to have lunch and see Last Vegas with our GI Granny, Terry. I enjoy spending Saturday afternoons with her. It's nice to get out and forget about everything.

I'm off to paint my nails, now! I got my brushes in the mail today so I'm super excited to try them out.

I feel really lucky to have the support that I have. I have like 50 days left in my Indiegogo campaign and I'm up to $625. That's awesome. I only started the campaign a few days ago, and there have been so many shares and likes and already 8 donations. I wish I could pay everyone back.

Today is Monday. I love Mondays. Why? Because my nurse comes to change my dressing and I can take a needle-free bath! Ugh it feels so awesome to be able to submerge my entire body in that hot water. Usually I have to keep my chest out of the water; if my needle gets wet, I get infected. Which is something I can't really afford to happen at the moment. Anyway, she'll be here in an hour or two, and I am getting antsy.

John and I saw Free Birds this weekend... I don't recommend it...

I've become addicted to Listia. It's kinda like eBay, except it's basically giving things away for/buying things using credits. If anyone's interested, sign up here. Finish your first auction and we both get bonus credits. ;D

I think I'm coming down with something. My nose has been running for like 3 days, ever since I threw up Friday night. And I just haven't felt like myself. I hate winter. I love fall and I love the changing of the leaves, and I love the holidays. But once winter comes, my body decides to go into crazy symptom mode, and everything starts to hurt all at once. It's not fun.

I'm going to stop for now, because I don't have much else to say. Other than having an iron infusion this Thursday, I don't have any appointments this week. So that's all, folks.