Thursday, October 31, 2013

Let's go, Indiegogo!

If you haven't noticed, I've rearranged the blog a little bit. What do you think? Too green? I don't know. I also added a page that lists my contact information. I'm hoping you guys will utilize it and send me emails, mail me some cards, whathaveyou. As negative as I always am on here, I do love getting encouraging comments and emails from people, and I do respond.
I have also added a wishlist page, where links to my Amazon wishlists are provided for those who would like to send me a gift.
If you've noticed all of that, I'm sure you've noticed the Indiegogo widget to the left of the blog. I would love it if you visited my Indiegogo page and donated toward my cause. And of course, if no one can donate, everyone can share the page! The more people who see it, the more chance I have of reaching my crazy goal to get treatment.

That's it for this post. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. :-)

Happy Halloween!!

I love Halloween. I was gonna go trick-or-treating but I don't think I can handle the cold weather. So I made John carve a pumpkin (our second one because our first one collapsed...) and we bought a big bag of candy to hand out. I'm pretty excited, but I don't think he is. He doesn't get into the holidays much.

I, on the other hand, love holidays, and I'm always looking for some way to be festive. We can usually never afford to really decorate the house, so I just do other things, like paint my nails:


Pretty cool, huh? The white parts are glow-in-the-dark.

We don't go see the horses anymore, at least until it starts to warm up. So last Saturday we went to Happy Apple Farms; I wanted to go for the apple cider and the pumpkin patch mostly. It was fun. There was a "hayride," too. It wasn't much of one, but the whole experience was still fun. You can view the pictures here.

As far as health stuff goes, we have officially invested in a bedside commode. And I have moved back into the bedroom, so no more on-the-couch for me. It's been a struggle to stay in there overnight because it's always so cold in there. But we put the heated blanket in there so that should make a difference.
The cramping and bloating from the imodium has stopped, finally. I still have a cramp here and there but nowhere near as bad as it was.
I got my birth control patches last week, so now I'm just waiting for my period to rear it's ugly head so I can start applying them.12 weeks on, 1 week off, repeat.

Tomorrow is mine and John's 3-year marriage anniversary. We have been together for 6 years and married for 3. I can't believe how fast time flies... I think we're going to stay in, though. I don't really have any ideas. Oh well.

Happy Halloween, everyone.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

The world lost an amazing man Sunday afternoon. Kenny was basically my big brother. He was a part of our family. I feel like I should be over it but I haven't stopped thinking about him since my dad told me Monday night. I thought I was done crying, too, but I broke down again earlier today. I've never lost anyone so close to me before, and I'm having trouble grieving. Well, maybe I'm grieving right, but I'm having issues accepting things.

The funeral is Friday. Of course I won't be there, and that kills me. I am looking into information about skype or facetime services, so hopefully something happens.

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I had to get a blood pressure monitor to keep track of my BP and HR until I see my cardiologist again. I probably need to check it, because I haven't remembered to check it in two days... oops. Just getting over my period, thank god. Every time it comes everything gets worse and feel absolutely terrible the entire time. It's not fun at all. My next appointments are on the 23rd; I see my PCM and my cardiologist. We (my PCM and I) are going to discuss birth control. I have to get my hormones on track because it seems like they really wanna kill me. Seeing my cardiologist to figure out what's up with my heart. It's been working harder than it should and he prescribed me atenolol for my palpitations. My nurse said my BP was fine, but he may be trying to slow my heart rate a bit... who knows. I suggested POTS and dysauotnomia.

Other than that, no big appointments.

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This weekend has been a good one, overall. If you don't count the accidents, I'm happy with how things have turned out. John and I saw Carrie on Friday, and of course I loved it! We've been playing our game together, cooking together, watching things together... and we're in the process of having an Iron Man movie marathon, Avengers included. We carved a pumpkin today, I'll be adding photos very soon.

Things weren't going very well between us when we had roommates. I felt alone most of the time and I was getting sick of watching the guys play GTA V and Diablo III. Seriously, sometimes I wanted to take a hammer and bash their TVs in. Now that it's back to just us two, I don't feel as claustrophobic or left out of anything, which it's much better. I'm also only having to share the bathroom with John and not three other people. Jeez.

This post has been in the process for a week now, because I've just been really stressed out and overwhelmed with some things that happened. But I'm going to post it now, and I probably won't update again for another few weeks, knowing me.

Until then...

Sunday, October 6, 2013

I was going to try and type up a happier blog post, but I swear the universe is out to get me right now. I just can't win, can I? This morning around 2am, I threw up everything I ate yesterday. That wasn't fun at all. I'm angry because everything I ate yesterday were easy things and things I knew I could digest well. Including chicken noodle soup. It's not fucking fair!!

When I woke up this morning, I weighed myself, and the scale said 59.6 lbs. FIFTY-NINE. That's a new low for me. I feel like yelling and kicking and screaming and crying. Throwing things. I can honestly say now that I am not happy with the life I have been given. I am so pissed at God it's not even funny, and all I want to do is pound on something and ask why the fuck he had to do this to me.

I've tried to count my blessings and show my gratitude for the things I have, but do you even know how hard that is while I'm carrying this stupid disease around? Shit keeps happening to me and it's like I'm not allowed to be happy or okay.

I do know I have plenty to be grateful for, and more than what I could ever imagine. But is it so bad to be angry and hurt that I can't really enjoy anything without feeling like shit first?

I am so done.