I have a few this week. Tomorrow is hematology and Gentiva (the home health company) is supposed to call us. Tuesday is therapy. And Wednesday two ladies from ThriveRx will be visiting me to check out my TPN and see what can be done about my weight, and I have my GI appointment, in which I'll bring up the g-tube again. I'm doubting that he'll condone it. Somewhere in all this, my case manager will be in contact, either regarding my wheelchair or an appointment with my PCM.
Lately my abdominal pain has been unbearable. It's not the pain I feel when I perforate, thank god, but it's more like an annoying cramping/nauseating pain... The best way I can describe it is really bad menstrual cramps. I've been taking midol PM every night for the past three nights to help me sleep. I need to ask for pain meds and/or sleeping meds. I don't even care about being knocked out anymore, I just need to get away from all this discomfort. I can't live in my bath water (oh if only...).
My diarrhea has gotten worse, too. Go figure.
Right now my stomach is gurgling and my legs are weak, like I need food, but I can't eat. I just hooked up my TPN, so that feeling should subside in about an hour. Water doesn't fill me up anymore, and I keep having immense cravings for food. I try to avoid cooking for John now because it either makes me nauseous or it makes me upset and hungrier.
None of this is fair.
I saw a post on facebook a bit ago, that said, "God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass." That's how I feel. It's like he's playing with me, poking at me like I'm a fucking voodoo doll. Just sitting back and seeing how much I can take. Well, God, I don't feel like I can take much more of this.
Hey sweetie,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry if that post offended you but I saw that and was like ya I guess I'm a bad ass then. I really hope there is reincarnation and I come back a rich woman that is beautiful and can give my kids everything they deserve and just live a happy life because I went through hell this life. That would be awesome I really don't know what to believe though, everyone tells me I need to find a higher power but I just can't seem to do that because if there is a higher power I'm pissed at it right now. I am trying to make the best of what I'm going through though. I'm sorry your in so much pain. I know when I had really bad ulcers they gave me pain meds that I drank with lidocane however spelled in it and it numbed my belly. It was nice. I hope they do something to make you more comfortable, and I am crossing my fingers that your GI doctor will listen to you about the tube. I am really sorry if that post offended you it really wasn't my intention. Someone sent it to me I thought it was ironic and I laughed at it I thought you might to I didn't think and I feel bad. Anyways good luck this week I hope you keep us posted. I will be thinking about you this week. I see my GI doctor tomorrow right before the hospital. I'm pretty sure I have ulcers again blah! Oh well shit happens. Loves and hugs