Dogs, God, and Skin Breakdown

I have been sitting here for the past two hours staring at my laptop wondering how I should start this post. I guess, well... there ya go.

A lot happened today and I am seriously emotionally and mentally exhausted. Last week, I was visited by two GI Grannies for Soldier Support (GIGSS). When they came I wasn't really feeling too well, so John did most of the talking and I honestly don't remember much of it. They asked us if we needed anything, what our interests were, etc. etc. Got to know us a little bit. Some of the programs that were mentioned were art therapy for both John and myself, and the Air Force Academy's equestrian program. I would love to be able to go visit some horses some day. Anyway, that meeting was really nice and better than I expected.

The next day, another "Granny" emailed me and said she has a therapy dog, Gipper, who would love to meet me, and we could set up a time for next week. That meeting was today, and this is where all the emotional exhaustion happens. First of all, Gipper is absolutely adorable. He's a golden retriever that eats animal crackers for treats.

And he prays, too.

Speaking of praying, part of this whole GIGSS thing is to help me with my spirituality, and usually I'm very put off by people coming to see me and trying to talk to me about Jesus. But these two ladies, Pat and Kris, were something different. At first I was really shy and I didn't want to talk to them. But they made me feel really comfortable. Especially with Gipper there. Anyway, we got to talking, and finally they asked me if I had one wish, what would I wish for? Obviously I would wish that I wasn't sick... I'd wish that my disease was gone and I was a healthy, thriving individual. Anyway, they asked me if I would like to pray for that. To pray for healing.

Those that know me know I have problems with religion. I have a lot of fear inside of me. I don't feel like I've ever really been close to God, but I would like to be. I've never prayed by myself before, because I've always felt silly. But something in me wants to be okay, and I let these women pray for me. I have never had anyone pray for me like this before; there was so much care and compassion in her voice, and she held my hand to keep me safe, and suddenly I just felt like... I felt so overwhelmed by how much love I was feeling. I know it seems cheesy, but I've only felt like this twice in my entire life, and each time had to do with God. Suddenly I just felt overpowered, and I started crying really hard, pouring the tears like crazy. And they didn't freak out, they didn't run to get me some tissue. They held me and they let me cry. I felt loved, and safe, and I was happy I was somewhere I needed to be right then. I can't explain it but I feel like I'll be seeing them more often.

John was at an appointment during this, so he's unaware of what happened. He knows they came and that they had a dog, that's about it. I won't talk to him about things like this much, not because he wouldn't listen or support me--he definitely supports me--but because he wouldn't really understand it. But that's another blog post.

In other news, I'm afraid my port is already starting to cause my skin to break down. I'm pretty concerned about this, but my nurses and Thrive and even John seem to not think anything of it.

I have a feeling that a Hickman tunneled catheter is in my foreseeable future.

I have some bracelets to make, so I'm going to cut this off here~~~