So I saw Dr. Scot Tebo today, assuming they were changing my primary care physician to him. I honestly don't remember what the guy at the Tricare office told us, so I don't know what happened with that.
Anyway, I do hope he becomes my PCM, because I really liked him. Apparently he's the chief of the Internal Medicine Clinic, and he's been briefed on my case by Dr. Phillips, who has been helping me get my TPN adjusted for the past few months.
I didn't have to repeat my entire medical history to him, because he had already done his homework and he had a stack of articles with him all about my condition, which I admired. He isn't an old fart, either, which is a major plus. I felt comfortable with him and he was pretty humorous, instead of constantly reminding me that my life has been basically cut in half, like most doctors do. So I hope I'm able to officially switch to him.
I've been exploring my spirituality further lately. Reading religious and spiritual books and blogs, trying to pray, focusing on what I am thankful for instead of sulking on what I'm going through. It's hard, and sometimes simply trying to do the opposite of what I usually do (which is worry) exhausts me and only causes me to break down because I'm not familiar with all this. I want to be happy. All day, every day, happiness. You know? But as human beings, we can't choose just one emotion. Oh, if only...
Part of my depression and frustration has been getting worse because I've been struggling with accidents at night. I did wet the bed when I was little for quite a while, but I grew out of it. Now I don't know why I won't wake up to go to the restroom. My TPN makes me piss like crazy, used to be every hour. And I'd get up when I had to go. But for the last couple weeks, I haven't been waking up until it's too late. So I end up soaking my clothes and the couch, having to do laundry in the middle of the night, etc. It's fucking embarrassing, and disgusting. I even have some of those accident chucks that they have in hospitals, but I'm running out. I've actually been sleeping in just my underwear to avoid soaking my clothes.
I don't know why it's suddenly happening. I've been on TPN since November last year, and this is a first for me. I can't help but hear my daddy telling me how lazy I am in my head... That's what he told me when I was little and had this problem. Too lazy to get up and go.
I think I'm just exhausted and my body just wants to sleep.
If anyone has any suggestions or ideas, please share. I'm stumped.
Ugh, I want to eat everything in my house right now. I can't stop thinking about crab meat. I can't wait until my birthday; I'm totally going to go to Joe's Crab Shack.
Darling, i think youbare beautiful and just going through a hard time. We all have things we are embarrassed off. It is just a struggle you will have to face. Do you find the accidents occuring around the same time each night? If so, set an alarm. You will wake up and relieve yourself instead if having to wake up to more stressing events. I learned that letting go is a huge part of happiness. Life is going to happen regardless. Yes, you should still care but let go about the frantic feelings. I love you. <3
ReplyDeleteI think this is where i post a comment. Dear Missy,, first Satan is whispering in your ear that you are lazy and all the negativity that your dad told you. I will pray for you specifically about this. Satan is the FATHER of lies. You are anything but lazy... yu are surviving and thriving... even horsing around LOL I think since I met you and we "talked", yu really try to be positive I can tell. You are blogging about all these super cool blessings. I don't know much and i long when i get to go to sleep everynight and I hate getting up to pee... I mean... I hate, hate hate it. So, keep doing what you are doing, set an alarm? don't know about that... but your sleep is vital to your survival and thriving with this condition. So, get some Goodnights/Depends and to hell with it. You need your sleep. the thing about light, alarm... this disrupts your sleep. I am read that anything electronic should be far away from your sleeping space. If you can't stand the goodnights or debpends... they make a kind of bed pad, but I would think those are costly. Guard your sleep and do everything to protect it. I will pray that there will be a remedy and I will also be praying about those nasty voices that are whispering in your ears LIE LIE LIE. Finally... worrying is a sin. i will pray that somehow through your reading, trying to be thankful, figuring out things... I will pray that God will reveal himself to you. Do you have a BIBLE? much love... and I am thankful and honored to know you.
ReplyDeleteSarah from Germany here...just a quick note: it might be that your bladder doesnt signal the urge to go. So basically it could mean that your bladder is affected by tg mito as well.
ReplyDeleteAlso, these accidents might be due to a very full bladder because of loss of urge and inadequate emptying of the bladder. For the latter, you could try self-cath. Its pretty easy to learn and would guarantee that your bladder gets completely empty.
ReplyDeleteI have no intention of learning to self cath. I have suffered too many UTIs from catheters to even consider that option. It's just too uncomfortable and too painful for me.
DeleteThere is a difference between self-cath and urethral catheters the latter being very prone to UTI. Actually, self-cath is used to counteract UTI. However, I do understand if you cant stand self-cath as in few folks(including me) it may be painful.
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