ER trip.

For the last few days I've been really on-edge about things. My depression has gotten worse and I haven't been sleeping like I should. Almost anything will make me cry. I asked John to call Pamela's office to make me an appointment... She discharged me months ago, but everything is hitting me again.

I weigh 61 lbs now. Down three. Not cool...

I've been distracting myself with my 3ds and movies we've been seeing, John got his new computer and he's been all giddy with it.

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Sorry about the sudden break. I stopped typing and just closed my laptop.

This morning was terrible. At around 5am, I jolted awake choking on my dry throat and acid. That sucked. Finally I was able to catch my breath again and go back to sleep. But then at around 7am I woke up again, but as soon as I moved, I felt an intense sharp pain starting in my left rib area and going up my back and over my shoulder. It hurt to inhale, and I started panicking. The only thing I could think of was my port, but it didn't make sense seeing how it was working perfectly fine.

I tried to wait it out for a few minutes, but it hurt so bad to the point I could barely breathe, so I went to get John up to take me to the emergency room. When we got there, we didn't have to wait long at all. Within 5 minutes, we were called back to answer some questions and get my vitals, and then not even 10 minutes later I was wheeled into a room. They used my port for fluids and morphine, so I didn't have to have an IV. Being in the hospital again was almost too nostalgic for me. Sometimes I actually want to be back in there, having people always there for me, asking me how I am, if I need anything. People coming to visit me. It's a weird feeling. Like I don't want my intestine to perforate, and I don't want anyone to worry or be stressed out over me. But at the same time I just want to escape from my life at home and just have a few things to do in bed.

Anyway, the doctor ordered chest x-rays, which came back "beautifully" and there was no sign of issues with my port. A few hours and more pain medicine later, they decided that it was pleurisy chest pain, and I would go home with naproxen and hydrocodone. I'm not sure what could have caused this. When I looked it up, it seems it has quite a lot of causes. So I'm just going to take my meds and hope for the best.

I have concluded that I'm a morphine junkie. While I was in there, all I could think about was "more morphine." I wanted more because I like the way it makes me feel. But I was afraid to ask for more because I don't want to seem like a drug addict, no matter how much pain I was in. After the morphine, they gave me something like tylenol in my port, which didn't do much at all, so then they gave me something stronger, but I don't recall what it was. It had the same affect on me that morphine did but it was a lot stronger. The pain was almost completely gone, and I was comfortable.

That's basically it for today. I've been sitting on my ass playing my 3ds ALL day, and I have no regrets. Tomorrow John is taking Pandora to the spay/neuter clinic to get her shots and to be spayed. I hope it goes well. I'm nervous for her. It was easy for the boys, but spaying females is a bit more invasive, and she's so young... I better just try not to think about it...

It's almost 3am. I need to go the bed.